Big cities, big trees, and big rocks.

We departed from Las Vegas, as a group breaking even (some of us more lucky than others, though they might claim more skilled) and 10 lbs heavier for it. Though what we lost in money, we also lost in sleep, so we made way for LA groggily through the desert.

We made it to LA with a hunger that only pork, soft boiled eggs, and duck fat could fulfill. We met Xue first and we exchanged sweaty, sweaty hugs. His apartment was mostly new and mostly empty in the heart of Black Greenwich Village. We all made way to the noodle shop, meeting Nick Rodriguez. We learned about both of their lives, and I'll leave it to them to share the salacious details, but its sufficient to say that I was thoroughly impressed (and slightly skeptical).

The next day we split up, hiking through what Kevin Bacon calls "dogshit park", though I thought it was really nice. We learned more about Nick and his experiences with nurses in Mexico (sorry for letting it slip Nick). We went on to do some bouldering, and we got a first hand experience of LA-young-people networking. Someone even remembered me cause apparently I was there the week before. Who knew? Not me. Nicks friends and roommates were really nice and down to earth, despite climbing well above it (pun, sorry). We met back up with the others for french toast and sandwiches, the perfect after workout snack. Also, Michael saw Justin Long, or a Justin Long lookalike (but in all the celebrities to look like, why pick Justin Long?).

We played in a park before settling on happy hour beers and a UCLA comedy show. Spoiler, by the time we all, including Xue and Allison, got there, all that was left to do was sit around and spin. But all was not lost, there was Mediterranean Food on the horizon. Spo "fucked around and ordered a baby" while the rest of us ordered the components of a baby. We picked up some beers and sat around Xues floor, while I slept on it, drinking and talking.

We left for Seqouia the next day. A long drive out of LA (*mandatory "LA traffic sucks" comment here). We got there somewhat late and decided to throw caution to the wind and buy 200 dollars worth of groceries, beer, and wine. After some settling, we enjoyed Jacks Birthday Coconut Cream Pie. The next day we took a few hikes and saw some big ass trees. Like really big. BiG. The seqouias were stunning, as was the whole landscape. We finished that day off with burgers, veggies, and more PIE!!!!!!!!

We departed the next day and stopped to see the biggest of big trees. The General Sherman. It was big (sorry if this sounds ironic or disaffected, literally the only adjectives that comes to mind is big, great, grand, huge, etc.) We then left for the flames of Yosemite, but not Fresno. After valiant search for camping, we settled for a hotel the first night.

The next day we made it to the park and decided to hike North Dome. Possibly my favorite hike. It was gorgeous, absolutely. At the end of the day, we made way west and looked in vain for an empty campsite until we stumbled by old joes camping site (hes real friendly, just ask his friend Jonathan Glory). There was a pool, a gold sifting station, and a petting zoo! And in the morning, a strong odor. After the night we made our way further west to San Francisco.

Canyonlands, Zion, and Las Vegas

Utah isn't all Mormons and salt lakes, y'know! They have arches to climb, magnificent sunsets, and crows tailing your every move. From traversing mountains to wading through rivers, the one-two punch of Canyonlands and Zion was an outdoorsman's delight! From there we made off to Sin City, where we lost Alex in a roulette spin gone awry. Never fear, though; we won him back by night's end, and Hot Shot Andy Frank earned enough extra dough at the Black Jack table to treat us to a room service dessert buffet (with plenty to spare!). The next day, we blitzed through the Mojave, and as soon as we hit bumper-to-bumper traffic, we knew we'd made it to California. Sure, we'd lost Gram'a Joad, Grampa Joad, our two dogs and the Preacher along the way, but the core of our happy lil' fambly was still alive and kicking!

Santa Fe, the Sand Dunes, Denver

WOW! Look at us go!! and look at us fail to update this blog!

In Santa Fe we experienced something called Meow Wolf...if you are ever in Santa Fe, you must go. It was essentially an immersive art/sci-fi exhibit...very cool.

Then we went to Great Sand Dunes National Park - note: sand is hot, do not wear crocs

Then off to Denver! Where our hemp-oil soap is legal :-)

Big Bend, TX

We avoided getting bit by rattlesnakes, and in reward had some amazing views in Big Bend

Austin, TX

Still drunk off the sights and smells of New Orleans (mostly the smells), we barreled out of Louisiana and into the Lone Star State. You know--the big one with the guns and the hats. 

They say a belly full of gas station fried chicken is enough to put a fella into a year long coma, but even that couldn't dampen our spirits once we reached Austin, a city with all the trappings of a coastal utopia, but with a sturdy backbone of cowboys and brisket. 

We spent our first night on Sixth Street (aka the Dirty Sixth, or Bourbon Street Lite), a frightening place lined with pastel shorts and dip spit. The night took an unfriendly turn when our resident pool shark, Alex, was bounced from a billiards room; he was simply too good! Red with envy, the rest of the bar demanded he be kicked out! Yep, that's what happened, everyone. And that's all we'll say about that story...

The next day was the Fourth, and what better place to spend our nation's birthday than in a state that routinely attempts to secede from the Union? We sought our own getaway at Hippie Hollow, a nude beach and apparent magnet for Austin's 65+ population. Who knew that skin could fold that way? The riverside fireworks show and the ultra-chic bars on Rainey Street were stunning, but neither hold a candle to the annual Independence Day Fair outside of F.A Day Middle School. 

On our third day, we let our inner twelve-year-olds run wild. We hit the links at Peter Pan mini-golf (low score went to Alex), met a national champion ski baller at the Full Circle ski ball bar (the closest thing Austin has to professional sports), and hopped around to some Blink 182 at a pop-punk bar (not really our thing, but who doesn't like "All the Small Things?"). 

Sometimes you have to embrace your inner kid, and other times you have to prove you're an adult by eating an absurd amount of BBQ. This, at least, is what being an adult means to me. Pork ribs, sausage, spicy slaw, mac n cheese, fried okra, a container of banana pudding that I carried around all night and ended up eating at 1 AM: we got all of this and more at Stiles Switch, just one of the many famous smokehouses Austin has to offer. 

As we headed south towards the border, it was not without a tinge of remorse. We were going to miss this hipster oasis, with its micro-breweries and loose dress code. Here's to Austin: where everybody ignores state politics and nobody acts their age!

New Orleans

From the desk of Michael Sposato, Esq.:

From the camp site we departed on our long drive to the home of Louis Armstrong, New Orleans. Along the way we dined at the finest southern Waffle House, and sampled numerous gas station delicacies. After a long and arduous travel, the four young adventurers, Jack the silver tongued, Alex the clever, Michael the translucent, and Andy, arrived in a sort of modern Gommorah (if you've been to Bourbon Street, you know what I mean). The four young travelers stayed at the La Quinta Inn, a reputable hotel chain near the heart of New Orleans. Our original reservations at an Air B&B location had been canceled by the owner. Luckily, moms were on standby to aid the young travelers, and stepped in to save the day with La Quinta reservations. (Once again proving that parents are an indispensable resource that should be treasured. #thanks mom and dad :D ) That night, Alex, Andy, and Michael went out on a scouting party to the heart of New Orleans in search of libations. Jack stayed back to wash his sweat soaked underwear. Upon arriving on Bourbon Street, we were greeted by the locals. The cockroach at the entrance of Bourbon street was kind enough to tell us of the local eateries we should sample, while a pile of bodily fluids on the curb recommended a frozen daiquiri to go. The cacophony of smells reminded the translucent one (Michael) of his time in India. Low on energy, the three amigos returned to La Quinta for showers and rest. The following morning Andy, Jack, and Alex went to Cafe du Monde for New Orleans' famous beignets and chicory coffee. During this time, the one who shines brightest (Michael) went to a local walk-in apothecary to treat his eye infection. The medicine man took pity on Michael and prescribed eye antibiotics, due to the fact that you can't drink on oral antibiotics. As the doctor pointed out, there's nothing to do in New Orleans but sweat and drink. For lunch, the four travelers met up for po boys at a delicious lunch spot. Afterwards, we went back to Bourbon so Jack could experience a tamer, daytime version of it. Do not fret, Jack was still able to enjoy the smells and dirt for which Bourbon Street is loved. While there, we drank sazeracs in a bar that was playing Beetle Juice on television. After the bar we returned to the hotel for a game of Settlers. For those uninitiated to Settlers of Catan, it is perhaps the greatest strategy board game ever produced. We had a meeting with rock and brick that afternoon. The battle was hard fought. The babas (sheep) were in short demand, wheat fields were burned, and armies pillaged the land. Andy, the bearded one, through cunning tactics, played everyone against Alex, which is always a solid tactic. Andy, the bearded tyrant, maintained his winning streak, much to the dismay of others. That night we went to a delicious gumbo joint. We arrived at the same time as the paramedics, so it must have been good, for as one person said while they wheeled out a woman suffering from heart burn, "I'll have what she's having". After the gumbo, the gang took a brief stop at an art fair on Frenchman Street, where Michael bought some comic paintings, and realized that an artist he had bought work from on a previous trip, for maybe 20 bucks, now had work being sold in the hundreds! That night, we hung out at a bar balcony, watched a pretty lame street magician, and saw a live jazz performance. Alex, however, was the star of that night, for he treated the fellowship to an impressive battle of wits against an old man in a game of chess. The battle was fierce, and a crowd soon gathered. The old man seemed to have Alex beat, but through cunning tactics, and relentless attacks, Alex wore his opponent down. Soon Alex had a king and a rook against his opponent's king. Slowly, Alex backed his opponent into a corner, savoring every second of the kill. Finally, he emerged victorious! After a brief stop for victory beer, the night was over. The following morning, we set out to visit a museum. Then we walked to the main flea market and looked around. There was a crazy Trump fanatic yelling at people, which was interesting. Afterwards we went to a cool dive bar for food and 2 dollar beers. We walked across the street to the Roosevelt hotel where I convinced Andy to try Huey P Long's favorite drink, the Ramos Gin Fizz. The greatest drink ever made, in my opinion. Afterwards, Alex, Andy, and Jack got matching shirts. That night, Andy stayed in while Jack, Alex, and Michael went to a Mexican restaurant for tacos. I also got a bomb apple fritter. Sooo good. Yup, that's all folks.

From Asheville we plunged into the developed wilderness of the Great Smokey Mountains. A quick stop for a few Hogzillas, and we were ready for anything the Smokeys threw at is, which were mostly tourists.

The scenic drive provided spectacular views and lots of loops and bends. The mountains themselves were beautiful, even the ground scorched by wildfires looked majestic. The drivers were less so. Gatlinburg, a town out of a bloated, southern Epcot, was not entirely depressing. How can you be depressed when from a street corner you can see a Chili's, Papa Johns, and Dick's Last Resort.

The first days hikes were not the most strenuous but were fine. We walked along a creek!

That night we stayed on a local campsite and were introduced to Southern Hospitality. We stayed next to Kenny and his wife, both from North Carolina about 2 hours out of Asheville. Kenny had been fishing all day and gave us his catch for us to fry (4 fish). He taught us how to properly fry fish, gave us the flour, gave us tips about the area, warned us about New Orleans, and later gave us marinated vegetables for the next day. We gave him a beer. And many thanks.

The next day we headed to a waterfall and then to a longer, 6 mile hike (the complete hike would have been 10 miles but we got hungry 😭😭😭). We learned what happens when 20 people jump in a pool, and made a quick stop for some fudge. We made our way then to a cabin for the night and had some river showers. The next morning we made a quick stop for breakfast (biscuits, grits, sausage gravy, eggs, sausage, butter) before heading on to New Orleans.

Asheville June 26-28!
We rolled into Asheville in the late hours of the 26th, to a really great air bnb studio place. We then went out and sampled the local food and beer (of course) at the Wicked Weed Brewing Pub - highly recommend this place! Everything was so delicious. Our next day consisted of walking around downtown Asheville, checking out some stores, drinking more beers (at the Thirsty Monk Brewery) and was highlighted by our tasting of hot sauces. While we decided not to sign the waiver that permits you to try the hottest hot sauce every created, we did try the four hottest hot sauces in the store. They were hot. That's an understatement. For dinner we had tacos at White Duck taco shop - who knew you can put pickled watermelons on tacos? Also the following day, we hit up 12 Bones BBQ - got the "Hogzilla" sandwhich. That thing was crazy. We were hiking after eating those when one of us came up with the "illness" that follows eating a Hogzilla - "hog-lung". We then hit the road for the smoky mountains!!

Destination: Washington DC

We packed up and left our bubbies behind in Inwood to make haste towards the Inn of Rosalyn (a real regal name for a motel by a highway). The trip was relatively uneventful, besides the amount of traffic and the obligatory stop in New Jersey to see Chris Christie's old mug hung above the rest stop entrance. By the time we made it to DC, we were all rearing to see the sights and look at old shit, you know, DC stuff.
First stop, Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, the big SMNH. We were all looking forward to seeing dinosaurs and rocks and anthropology and stuff, and let me tell you, it did disappoint. Who new that the stuff I loved when I was a kid attracts so many kids? Whailing, screaming kids. And who new that the museum would cater its exhibits towards these little demons?
So, we left SMNH and went off toward Hirsshorn Museum of modern art, passing by a sculpture of a wheel and something that came out Beetleguese. The museum was fun; how could it not be, its modern. The exhibits ranged from stark and thought inducing to a-sculpture-of-a-fat-naked-guy-hunched-in-a-corner thought inducing. I did like the painter who painted mostly tents though.
Afterwards we checked into the Inn and got ourselves some pizza at & Pizzeria (which was amazing). We then went for a walk on the Mall and tossed a disc around.

The next morning we picked up a straggler and returned to DC for one more museum: the Smithsonian Space Museum or the Holocaust Museum. The photos below will reveal which one I chose to go to. Up next, Shanandoah.

Roughing It in Ole' Virginy!

With a full company (welcome aboard, Michael!) and far too many groceries, we were ready to plunge into our first outing adventure: the Shenananadingdong River Valley (sp?). Full disclosure, I never thought we would last in the wilderness, but with a little hardwork, ingenuity, a Coleman Grill, four king-sized sleeping bags, a small tent mansion, an industrial strength space heater, and a plasma screen TV, we survived. And what's more, we befriended a sweet elderly couple along the way. After helping them mount a canoe onto their stationwagon, we were repaid with ginger ale, because nothing says "thank you" to a 22-year-old quite like a crisp, non-alcoholic soda. 

Up into the mountains we hiked, completing such scenic trails as Stony Man, Little Stony Man, and Stony Man 3: Son of Stony Man. We could have stayed up there forever, but the allure of fast food fried chicken became too much to handle. And so we tailed the first Confederate-flag-flying-pickup-truck we saw to the nearest Chil-Fil-A (no, really), thus ending our one day stay in the Old Dominion. Onward to Asheville!

We leave you with a few camping recipes from Chef Alex's Cooking Corner!

Alex's Southern-Style Breakfast Goop:

1. Wait for Jack to make too much rice from last night's dinner. Like, way too much rice. Nice one, Jack. 

2. Add water, either from the river if you want extra flavor, or from a jug if you're afraid of "food poisoning." Place pot over fire. 

3. Mix in day old fruit salad and honey to your liking. Voila, you've got yourself some grade-A second rate oatmeal!

Alex's Famous Honeyed Bread (for one):

1. Obtain bread. Store bought is fine. Remember, you're eating this alone, so no one will judge!

2. Squirt some honey on that sucker. Don't worry about plating your food. You're in the Great Outdoors. Go straight from bottle to bread. Really lather it up. 

3. Don't think too hard about what you're doing. Just enjoy. 

We are a go. We've left b-town (burlington) after a quick hike on Philo Mt and breakfast with the Schwartz's, and have made our way to Saratoga Springs (with Miranda, yay!). We didn't have much time swimming on the Hudson cause of rain (boo!), but it did leave us with an awesome double rainbow.

Destination: Saratoga Springs / NYC

We arrived in Saratoga Springs, NY and headed straight for the bathroom at Stewart's. After that, we grabbed a delicious lunch at Four Seasons (a vegetarian lunch place - thanks for hanging in there with me for that one Jack and Alex...). The two days we spent in Saratoga could not have been possible without our generous host, Mirannda Holmes, who not only is an incredible person, but she also is the proud owner of an incredible cat named Chunky (Chunk-a-monk, Chunk-lee, Chunk Master Flex, etc). Highlights from 'Toga include playing the game "Secret Hitler" (please google this - actually here's the link to the game http://www.secrethitler.com/), visiting Snook Kill Falls (pictured), making pizza, and drinking beer/playing Yahtzee at Pint Sized, a lovely bar downtown. Once again, thanks to Mirannda and her house for letting us take up space, be noisy, and smell bad.

On to the big apple!! We divided into three sections for our stay in NYC - and I'll fill you in on my own. I stayed with my sister, Sarah, in her apartment in Harlem. We ate amazing senegalese food for dinner our first night, and it turns out we were eating at the same restaurant as Jack and had no idea! We didn't even see him there, and found out that we were in the same place the following day. I also visited the MET for the first time (holy shit, talk about a hoarding problem) - and my favorite piece is pictured - stained glass by some artist I don't remember. For our next stop, we'll be going even further south to the land of our Orange Savior - Donald Trump - to D.C. we go!

Destination One: Burlington Bound

Armed with little more than the shirts on our backs and what can only be described as a "disk" of banana cake (all praise due to Franca Marzilli), our intrepid, dashing, young explorers set their course for the Great White North. Sights were seen, gear was bought (sheepskin fleeces? A barely functional headlamp for $2.99? Don't mind if I do!), and Patti LaBelle was sung. When drafting our itinerary for the trip, most wondered why we would dare start by going up when New Orleans is, well, not. To the doubters, we ask: Have you ever tasted a maple-blackberry creamie while watching the sun set over Lake Champlain? It's true what they say, folks. Burlington really is the Paris of Vermont. Though dearest Michael won't be joining us until Washington D.C, his sister Ariana was kind enough to show us around. Also, special shoutout to Sarah Schwartz for housing us--your peony garden is gorgeous, your dog is adorable, and the patience you displayed by playing Settlers of Catan with us is unmatched. Until next time, here's a picture of that killer sunset, and a highly androgynous street mural of Muhamed Ali: 

^^^Kind of looks like a woman, right?

The Night Before

I'll keep it short - this is all the stuff I'm packing! Notice the frisbee, and not pictured is my funky christmas short sleeve button down. First stop, Burlington, VT! - Andy